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1. |
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[Mom]
When we walk to the edge of all the light we have
And take that step to the darkness of the unknown
We must believe one of two things will happen
There will be something solid for us to stand on
Or we will be taught to fly
Smoking on depression let me ash it out the sun roof
Joy and pain, I'm just searching for some truth
Sunshine and rain, I'm running through this Maze
Like Frankie Beverly my words are my weaponry
Penmanship deadly, melancholy medley
Rain falling like confetti the full moon fed me
Pushing through despair I see joy crying
Depression is smiling this paradox is violent
In between nostalgia and doom I'm trying to find tao
No cult of personality, no grammy win bow
Each song's a chrysalis, I'm trying to find where chris is
The monarch's antennaes started transmission
The butterfly said make worlds and stop resisting
A synonym for love is to give time and listen
I inhale harmony and exhale control
Let me grow some tomatoes and listen to the crows
[K.Raydio]
Took a little walk around the block not long ago
And every little lie behind my truths said I told you so
But I ain't going down that road again my friend no more
No I ain't going down that road again my friend no more
It's time to start the show
Um, I don't have a heart just a spirit halloween
I lost it in a contract from this fake music scene
Let's inspire others to make art and create
A song can stop a suicide, can you relate?
I never hit rock bottom just close enough to touch it
I know who i am so my attitude is fuck it
Graveyard soil I grab it and clutch it
I know the worms are waiting I'm climbing the summit
Labels said I couldn't cut it, bars sharpened left em gutted
It took you publicists we did it with passion and no budget
Doubt in my palm i close my hand and I crush it
No longer fear's puppet I slice the strings and I love it
Pops said don't compromise a flower never rushes
In the clouds like Deck and Guru I rise above it
No Premier needed what's a critic but a cop who judges?
Tired of raging the machine we cut the cord and unplugged it
[K.Raydio]
Took a little walk around the block not long ago
And every little lie behind my truths said I told you so
But I ain't going down that road again my friend no more
No I ain't going down that road again my friend no more
It's time to start the show
Back and forth hiding mine which feels valid?
Thoughts and emotions mix up like a salad is
Hard to communicate, feeling no one can relate
Reaching out, no enough, so much bullshit on your plate
So watch me innovate, owe it to my fuckin self
I took some time away put my heart back on the shelf
I took some time today, stretch out meditate
Phone off, operate can I put cooperate?
But that's not what I meant to say
I found another way
I found another way
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2. |
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Fascinated with guns, death and wearing a dress
He used to play cello now scotch is the scent of his breath
Strip a man of his secrets and what the fuck is left?
To be listened to he had to lie with his chest
I mean the loss of a lover can cause the brain to rupture
He said wounds don't matter, life just gets rougher
He took words and made them alive but always medicated
Better to die in disillusioned youth than worn out and jaded
A solider with meaningless medals and meaningful scars
The shrapnel in his leg settled now he's limping through bars
Death came to his cot, your avatar will consume you
It's hard to live up to those lies that bloomed in you
He said all writers are liars and that's the truth
As his liver tango'd and danced with some more 80 proof
All you have to do is write one true sentence
Write the truest sentence you know and know that you meant it
Hunting under hills like white elephants
He found amusement in killing, he saw life irrelevant
In the Torrents of Spring The Sun Also Rises
Death in the Afternoon as the matador slices
What's a human to a maggot but a moveable feast?
Seeing a bullseye in the mirror was he a suitable beast?
A Farewell to Arms he put the gun in the drawer
And said let the bell toll for fascists in war
To Have and Have Not in the garden of Eden
The apple seeds look like snake eyes the puncture wounds are bleeding
Islands in the stream, True at First Light
Investigating a ghost is like that apple's first bite
Infatuated with me he started hunting me
Visions of suicide was he doing something to me?
I ran Across the River and Into the Trees
He said these are all future loose leafs never let the truth sleep
He said did you even read The Old Man and the Sea?
We work our whole life just to reel in our dreams
The sharks eat them as we fight while Sisyphus screams
And when we finally get our prized possession to the boat
It's only a bloody carcass, just bones and no hope
He tried to possess me but this shell needs no ghost
We all have these trauma time loops that we get trapped in
I opened up his book The Fifth Column and his spirit went back in
His dad shot himself with his father’s revolver
The world breaks everyone the cycle revolves
He was a big game hunter but the last beast was in his head
He piled up the dead animals but could never bury his dread
Did you hit the target or did the target hit you?
You were the bull and the matador that paradox split you
His last letter said am feeling fine i hope to see you soon
Then he took his shotgun in the foyer and boom
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3. |
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[Defcee]
Wrote my future in erasable marker ink
Rolled my neck just to hear the last couple of marbles clink
Miles past hunger, nothings wrong if you starve to eat
Harsh relief like the father who offered to cough and cheat
Chisel my milk carton caption in the headstone
I wasn't lost to my family I was sent home
Not every warning sign is flashing lights from a red phone
Kept my nose clean nobody said it could have been no
Freedom in letting your bad side eat its better half
I've got as many lives as there are teeth in the Cheshire cat
When my speech speeds up my tempo lags
I lose my way with words reading signs as fences pass
The skinny sketch piss ants paint with chalk and dust
Woke in outer wear stinking up warmer months
Lost my layman face at an address I can conjure up
A junkie and every ghost who can't quit haunting us
[sample]
We think we're in charge
10 seconds from now, none of us in this room
Know what we're going to be thinking or saying
So who the fuck is in charge?
[Time]
I know a dude destitute he walks beneath a meth moon
In a garden of sound he's just a man trying to bend a spoon
Trying to keep the flame away so he doesn't kindle further doom
Trying to hack his mind to thrive, slicing wires in the server room
Plug was a surfer dude, eyes like a furnace room
Addiction is the servant whoms lurking at your tomb
He said i can quit whenever, flat line he murdered truth
Spitting till purple in the booth waiting for his commercial boom
I'll stop when i pop he's raging in rehearsal rooms
He needs to stop before he drops he lost a tooth that's further proof
Drift king, swerving through brews he grew apart from his crew
The drug is working you, he walked towards the light out a fertile womb
He said I'm breaking all my burner tubes I'm searching for you
He said I'm trying to find my purpose soon I'm searching for truth
He stopped chasing the scream, he said my body has further use
I hope you find your dreams, stop serving those that don't serve you
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4. |
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Things ain't changed fuck the future fuck a plan
Everything gets erased in the city of the damned
When does the world mean when yours is shattered?
What if we're all just eggs in the alien's batter?
The earth is a mixing bowl do i even matter?
Are we just bread on the universe's platter?
Is my future just to be sustenance for worms?
The rats eat the eyes first i guess they'll get their turn
But until then till the flies to fuck off
Cause i still got plans even though my souls lost
The other night i invited death to come and take me
He came to my room and just stared at me blankly
I called him a coward i guess hes more mature than me
Shinigami eyes he said no it's too early
My guardian angel's xanned out, I'm looking for a handout
No one's for praying for me I'm sinking in the sand now
[Xiu Xiu]
It's a sick and sad world
No one is praying for me
If i trust you and fall
Would you even catch me?
It's a sick and sad world
No one is praying for me
If i trust you and fall
Would you even catch me?
Don't you know I'm trying to heal, Don't you know time can steal?
The hands on the clock can shoplift your thoughts
But i got bullet proof locks on this heart shaped box
I'm changing the future with my imagination
If I can manifest I'm manifesting patience
I've visualized my death so many times
It feels good to leave my body and the weight of the grind
Primordial soup I came out the slime
Who cares where i came from as long as i climb
One day one breath one shoe one step
Maybe you want to die but just make it to the next
I listen to the trees always giving advice
Surrendering trustful and strong through the night
And if that tree falls then fuck it lets grieve
Cuz everything has a cycle we transition like leaves
I don't have answers I'm a question that's released
[Xiu Xiu]
It's a sick and sad world
No one is praying for me
If i trust you and fall
Would you even catch me?
It's a sick and sad world
No one is praying for me
If i trust you and fall
Would you even catch me?
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5. |
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I wrote this on top of a parking garage
From 8 stories up it’s all a dark mirage
I got a lot of problems but no need to list them
Cuz right now my friends are birds and HVAC systems
The wind talks louder up here I’m trying to listen
The hum of the fans is sweet drone music
I want to take the whale's ambient songs and fuse it
Excuse me will I kiss the sky
I’m watching clouds go by
I wanna fly like them by the end of this verse I’ll try
I can see inside of your penthouse you’re lonely like me
Only difference is you’re hollow and I’m not
My soul been full from alarm clocks and rot
But I fermented it into nutrients and minerals
Metamorphosis this fungus is spiritual
I feel these mycelial roots connect to other artists
We inspire each other death to jealous martyrs
I like the ladders up here I see them as metaphors
Like no matter how high you are you can get higher
And when you’re learning to fly you’ll need help trying
The litter up here is a reminder too
Like even if you’re on top they’ll toss you when they’re through
Pigeons are buddhas they cock their heads with curiosity
Displacement over time tell me what’s your velocity?
Standing on the edge this is my final act
The pigeons come down they say step back relax
free your mind
If I jump will I die today?
Or if I jump will I fly away?
If I jump will I die today?
Or if I jump will I fly away?
I run to the edge and I jump off, gravity got me, get your mop
No parachute so I wont stop, I'm bumping Pharcyde as I drop
I fall by feathers, I fall by the grief I fall by the lies we pushed beneath
I fall by him, I fall by she, I fall by the people I used to be
I fall by betrayal and lies, I fall by knives, falling through me
I fall by denial, I fall by clarity, no nostalgia, now I can see
I fall with patience, I fall like a sim through the simulation
What if my falls a hallucination, I can feel space time breaking
I fall through a lucid dream, waking life things aren't what they seem
I fell through my tears, it felt like an ocean trying to scream
I fell into my fears, illusion, I'm trying to coup my ego's regime
I'm almost to my concrete bed, my life is flashing before I'm dead
The pigeons came, my eyes turned red then I started craving bread
I grew claws, I grew a beak, my neck was rainbow gasoline
I grew feathers, I started to fly, my arms turned to wings
Now I'm chilling on a statue just shitting on human beings
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6. |
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[E L U C I D]
I just called, I just called to say
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How?
Out of mind in the the center still
Burn to touch there'll be tears to spill
Give me something to hold
Say you will, pockets overflow
I saw what wasn't there
Just for me and us
You and them
You got more to give
Spend but never owe
Carry me home, carry me home
Out of mind, not a place
Pleasure say, folding hands
When you know it might not quote it but you looking for a reason
Read the starks, inside parts Beloved
Get your shit why covet?
Numbers in the dream book hyperlinked
Fly a kite for me
Hiding right where she like that's the life for me
Starseed sky kicking clouds
At that church lady people
For Kings and whores light bend
Carbon more bargain forward
[E L U C I D + TIME]
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How?
[Time]
Read a book spiral through a portal how you know peace?
Sipping green tea
Spit a cypher with a tree how you know peace?
Bass resonating through me like waves at the venue
I don't fuck with bad energy yes i meant to offend you
We didn't miss each other, I ignored you, yes I meant too
Fake friends serve em up ala carte on the menu
I made my home a sanctuary ritual light a candle
Banishing parasitic entities, moldavite on the mantle
Cooking a meal for friends toasted cumin on the skillet
Chopping up poblano peppers marinate them then grill it
Cooking smores from a burning cop car that brings me joy
Another landlord going unemployed that brings me joy
GURU in my headphones playing basketball at the park
Finding light in the stars helps me navigate the dark
Orcas tipping yachts, eat the rich that's the plot
I'm singing to the seeds till i harvest the squash
[E L U C I D + TIME]
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How u know peace?
How?
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7. |
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I didn't remember those memories they remembered me
Grief bends time I felt nothing in that December freeze
I'm interested in amplification and transmission
Radio static seance I listen for loved ones who have transitioned
My cat under the covers giving a static periwinkle firework show that's joy
I broke my phone and watched Bacchus kill Apollo that's joy
I saw a blue heron it reminded me to breathe and find patience that's joy
The crickets chant like monks a crow shit on me that's joy
I'm a product of hot cheetos, top ramen, and sprite
I grew up on high fructose corn syrup preservative delight
What are wrinkles but mortality's tattoos?
Interrupted it rained commas we fight in hyphens and bad news
We used to make art, we used to laugh in shop class
Now we learn how to hide and dress wounds from shotgun blasts
Why mourn for the cocoon after the butterfly has flown?
What if silence isn't an absence but a vessel to get home?
Footsteps in the sand get washed by my seashore mind
Our DNA looks like an hourglass are we running out of time?
I sing joy even when it's out of tune
I sing joy even when it's out of tune
I sing joy even when it's out of tune
[carla joy]
the only emotions welcomed in my home were calm and happy.
So I buried the rest beneath the scars.
but scars are like cracks and some made their way to the surface
desiring to be together, these feeling friends gathered like a constellation out of formation, whispering, “dance” --
grief remained at the hinges sending a wave of shivers across my bodymind while anger and rage arrived first to the dance floor, and without warning
like a mother whose kid was Murdered by cops.
Not so invisible, more like a bomb.
Pain.
my tears took cover behind the calm exterior while intuition budded up with anger and rage, slam dancing they sang
“in collaborative motion we begin to heal”
time brought anxiety and excitement together into a lifelong push and pull, whiplashing me between being a wallflower and a dancing queen
Beneath the battle cry to heal, I found refuge with my invisible friend.
They were sharp—cutting new paths each time they arrived at my heart.
remaining invisible so I could play
I named this saboteur Joy
Joy knew that to become whole
We needed to move beyond Dis-eased
We had to Unfreeze
So, while calm walked the edges of the battle-terrain
deep below in the subterranean, and holding hands with depression, Joy invited me into their sacred multidimensional places
past the broken dance floor were animated rose scented realms
.pain free.
.adult-abuse-free.
Joy interrupted the captive terror as depression passed me a rose flowing with tears,
‘welcome to melancholy joy.’
Then outside of blueness, heart’s interrupting Joy reached my bodymind by transmitting vital messages from ancestors who spoke from heart's DNA, remembering and holding on with grief.
Desires awakening — Pulsating love
Pit a pat
Pit a pat
Pit a pat
sang out-of-tune-Joy, as they took a thorn from depressions rose cutting through the subterrain, pirouetting towards calm, clasping hands on the frontlines as Burial beats joined with my heart, harmonizing emotions and igniting the dance that brought me to you.
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8. |
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Staring in the wounded mirror for my soul I search
Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt
I wish you were here, I wrote your name in the mirror
There's 2 eyes in your name I dotted them with tears
And I hope you see it in the morning when you take a shower
Just so you know, I'm here and not a coward
I can walk through walls but I can't walk with you
So what's the point of magic if I can't talk to you?
I used to want to fly away up into the stars
Now I just want to pick you up in my car
Cuz when you're in the sky the city looks like a galaxy
I always want the opposite, contradictions balance me
Hope dies last, these machines keep me breathing
And don't think I can't hear you when you visit every evening
[scott crow]
Everything was beautiful
I'm talking to ghosts again
Everything was beautiful
So it goes without you here
I wrote this all on your mirror, take it for what it's worth
Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt
They say no art is possible without a dance with death
I was tap dancing in your attic while your paintbrush wept
I'm drinking dead champagne waiting for the saucers to come
He said what's death but a violet light and a hum?
Am I in a coma or an alien's zoo?
I'm no longer a man just a broken kite that flew
Reading books by Kilgore Trout that I got from Billy Pilgrim
Is this a hospital gown or a jacket from a dead civilian?
So it goes they built 5 slaughterhouses all in a row
So it goes say it 106 times so they know
Darwin said my corpse would be an improvement
But ask me if I'm alive, watch my toes for movement
They got me hopped on on time travel and morphine
Damocles above my head, watch me dodge it as the sword swings
Dead to the world but not actually dead
Now I understand there's that are fates worse than death
Let's hide under the covers and make an artificial evening
Even if that means by tomorrow you're leaving
I'm not really in a coma, it's more of a cocoon
So I could come back and be better to you
[scott crow]
when we are, we are, we are
when we are, we are, we are
when we are, we are, we are
I'm talking to ghosts again
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9. |
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[namebudda]
inexpressive
in reflection
disconnected
from the flesh is that a sin or blessing
trick question
it’s all subconscious
ghost in the shell
more than a vessel when the god spit
i just wanna bezel and some bomb piff
i just want my mental on some calm shit
swim daily
live wavy
poster child
for those prone to drown
lift me up
hold me down
split the hairs
mold the crown
fuck a punchline they keep the pole around
that’s polarizing
it’s hard to prolong demise even when you know the timing
feel like the darker donnie darko
they gon george floyd me
everybody dies alone
weep softly
tread lightly
my psyche fragile
to cope is costly
pass down trauma
or hold it tightly
what the fuck is karma
they was catchin bodies nightly
this can’t be life on repeat
seek peace
we on the surface
quite when the deep speak
every bar a gram i think i’m chief keef
2 ounces a day
hard to keep count of the pain
sky is the limit
in the mountains a cage
the tides risin
ima drown in the flames
call it duality
my shadow self
shadow me
hopin that the gat’ll squeeze
dinero in taxi
repair what was fractured
despair cause we captured
run out of papers ima tear up the rapture
fear what you do know
what’s today’s science
i ain’t talkin pseudo
kill ya top five
with two flows
one i call war one i call peace
one i call sword one i call sheathe
[Time]
Working construction I was doing drywall with a drunken monk
He said with a slur, measure twice and cut once
I was getting paid minimum wage but getting jewels
The professors looked right through us they treated us like fools
Dinosaurs never went extinct they stayed alive in our minds
Eyes like stagnant ponds, death is the opposite of time
What if every thought the ocean has makes a wave?
And trees speak by sprouting leaves the wind lets us hear what they say
I cried when I watched Yasiin being force fed
Close the prisons and Guantanamo before more are dead
Trying to find myself humming the lullabies of the lost
What's hope but chamomile blooming under the frost?
What's courage but showing your heart knowing it's imperfect?
What's love but giving someone it not sure if they'll return it?
What's the meaning of duality but living conflicted?
Maybe tao's just finding flow within the contradictions?
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10. |
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In the twilight of my last morning
I
Will see my friends and you,
And I’ll go
To my grave
Regretting nothing but an unfinished song
Nazim Hikmet, Bursa Prison, Turkey, 1933
Tired of seeing his friends getting thrown against the wall by police
Under surveillance from the laundry van he didn't know peace
Part of the Muckerboys Long Kesh prison blues the walls are stained
He was inspired from the Battle of Bogside a cherished friend
KAI was the gang Kill All Irish, he hated them
Twinbrook Tenant's Association they started a children's clinic
Local boxing and football clubs clanking mugs of Guinness
Reading James Connolly they taught each other Gaelic
Stealing matches and cigarettes from detectives during interrogations
In cage 11 he played guitar, he sang
The fairest flowers of their kind
These roses of the dark
“They are the light to guide the poor
These flowers in the dark”
"I care not should we freemen die
To see the garden flower
And humble bluebells lift their heads
To rise in all their power
I hold a tear torn sore in heart
Twere e’r a Joan of arc
Tis each one of these saintly flowers
Who be in dungeons dark”
“I scratched my name and not for fame
Upon the whitened wall
Bobby sands was here I wrote with fear
In awful shaky scrawl”
“From cell to cell they moved round hell
With food offered the starved
And keeping rules gave plastic tools
So wrists could not be carved
On paper plate in greasy state
They placed it in your hand
But who could eat the Devils treat
Or who could give a damn”
They thought these bars could tear souls apart
The door closed like a cave
He said "I stood like one in face of gun
With one foot in the grave"
Surrounded by dirt and filth and scarred walls
His smelly tomb greeted him
He listened to his breathing and the caws of crows
Depression would be his companion again
On a mutilated filthy mattress torn to shreds by a thousand searches
He found peace in the sparrows, starlings and seagulls he watched them perching
He threw them his maggot covered bread
The screws came, the blanket men filled with dread
They raided his mom's home and smashed her Celtic harp
He said The crunch of their batons redden my hair but they can't take my heart
He said yet these flowers refuse to be broken
They made us dig out the cursed coal that's stolen
The breeze stirs the hazel tree, the water cress is red
Bloody Sunday in Derry, on a frozen floor with a swollen head
Sipping lukewarm tea and moldy bread he said our day will come
Institutionalized but never institutionalized
Institutions are lies
Pen name Marcella, his sister's name
Wrote poems on government issued toilet rolls
Kept pens inside of his body
Oh incarcerated ornithologist
I wish i could break those walls and you could fly away like a lark Death to apologists
A single ballerina flutters in the magnificence of a twilight star
The moon has come to watch the dogs howl, the vibrations bend the bars
“They have suppressed my body and attacked my dignity” I'd rather die then conform to them
But he still found poetry and music in life, the gift of a pen
He said I fought a monster today, starvation i fought a monster today
He said “I have but one weapon to overcome them: my own thoughts" today
He said “If you knew but the torture, that the prisoners know well
You'd storm these dungeons you'd tear down this hell”
He went on hunger strike for 66 days
The steel gate yawned he died in H block after 66 days
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11. |
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I was a skeleton compared to what I used to be but it didn’t matter.
I was a skeleton compared to what I used to be but it didn’t matter.
Nothing really mattered except remaining unbroken.
I was a skeleton compared to what I used to be but it didn’t matter.
Nothing really mattered except remaining unbroken.
I rolled over once again, the cold biting at me.
I was a skeleton compared to what I used to be but it didn’t matter.
Nothing really mattered except remaining unbroken.
I rolled over once again, the cold biting at me.
They have nothing in their entire imperial arsenal to break the spirit of one single Political Prisoner-of-War who refuses to be broken, I thought, and that was very true.
I was a skeleton compared to what I used to be but it didn’t matter.
Nothing really mattered except remaining unbroken.
I rolled over once again, the cold biting at me.
They have nothing in their entire imperial arsenal to break the spirit of one single Political Prisoner-of-War who refuses to be broken, I thought, and that was very true.
They can not or never will break our spirit.
I was a skeleton compared to what I used to be but it didn’t matter.
Nothing really mattered except remaining unbroken.
I rolled over once again, the cold biting at me.
They have nothing in their entire imperial arsenal to break the spirit of one single Political Prisoner-of-War who refuses to be broken, I thought, and that was very true.
They can not or never will break our spirit.
I rolled over again freezing and the snow came in the window on top of my blankets.
I was a skeleton compared to what I used to be but it didn’t matter.
Nothing really mattered except remaining unbroken.
I rolled over once again, the cold biting at me.
They have nothing in their entire imperial arsenal to break the spirit of one single Political Prisoner-of-War who refuses to be broken, I thought, and that was very true.
They can not or never will break our spirit.
I rolled over again freezing and the snow came in the window on top of my blankets.
Our day will come.
I was a skeleton compared to what I used to be but it didn’t matter.
Nothing really mattered except remaining unbroken.
I rolled over once again, the cold biting at me.
They have nothing in their entire imperial arsenal to break the spirit of one single Political Prisoner-of-War who refuses to be broken, I thought, and that was very true.
They can not or never will break our spirit.
I rolled over again freezing and the snow came in the window on top of my blankets.
Our day will come.
Our day will come.
Nothing really mattered except remaining unbroken.
I rolled over once again, the cold biting at me.
They have nothing in their entire imperial arsenal to break the spirit of one single Political Prisoner-of-War who refuses to be broken, I thought, and that was very true.
They can not or never will break our spirit.
I rolled over again freezing and the snow came in the window on top of my blankets.
Our day will come.
Our day will come.
I rolled over once again, the cold biting at me.
They have nothing in their entire imperial arsenal to break the spirit of one single Political Prisoner-of-War who refuses to be broken, I thought, and that was very true.
They can not or never will break our spirit.
I rolled over again freezing and the snow came in the window on top of my blankets.
Our day will come.
Our day will come.
They have nothing in their entire imperial arsenal to break the spirit of one single Political Prisoner-of-War who refuses to be broken, I thought, and that was very true.
They can not or never will break our spirit.
I rolled over again freezing and the snow came in the window on top of my blankets.
Our day will come.
Our day will come.
They can not or never will break our spirit.
I rolled over again freezing and the snow came in the window on top of my blankets.
Our day will come.
Our day will come.
I rolled over again freezing and the snow came in the window on top of my blankets.
Our day will come.
Our day will come.
Our day will come.
Our day will come.
Our day will come.
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12. |
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Head in my palms eyes leaking
I’m seeking peace beneath these leeches (fakes)
My mom says I chose this before I came back
These lessons I needed to learn but why it hurt so bad?
I’m trying to walk the pain away, pain away
I’m bumping Pac hoping the pain go away
How long will they mourn me? Denver put the sword in me
They tried to guillotine my dreams but greatness can’t ignore me
Insecurity and ego I’m trying to explore me
I’m a planet to these microbes that know and adore me
I gave you all of my feelings that shit almost killed me
We snapped the attachment and I couldn’t find the real me
Forgiveness is a concept tougher than I thought
I came here to love I guess I came to suffer a lot
I’m an astral punk better yet a suffernaut
I’m just trying to kill desire till I suffer not
[Velvet Machines]
All these feelings
Release it
All these feelings
Release it
I found this verse in the mud covered in ether
I’ve had knives in my back but your words cut deeper
Is this a distorted hall of mirrors are we all just the same?
If we’re all made of stardust what animates the frame?
Can I supernova to another dimension?
Is this really my life or a hell astral projection?
With dreams I dialogue I see Morpheus in the fog
Oneironaut, what’s a scorpion to a god?
Waking life I see on both sides of the consciousness
I’m aware of the ego and it’s monstrousness
I chose this all before I got lessons to learn
No reincarnation let that cycle burn
Forgiveness is a concept tougher than I thought
I came here to love I guess I came to suffer a lot
I’m an astral punk better yet a suffernaut
I’m just trying to kill desire till I suffer not
[Velvet Machines]
All these feelings
Release it
All these feelings
Release it
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Memory's subjective, memory's a weapon
Without time shared together what are we left with?
Forget Sisyphus I'd rather be crushed by that boulder
Then fighting to make a fire that'll forever smolder
When you walk away those embers become flames
The lesson is you never catch everything that you chase
I said I wanted to die a few times and I meant it
I never broke that promise but I probably bent it
I wrote a goodbye note but i never stamped it and sent it
Life is priceless with my loved ones I will spend it
The gift of a sunrise, the blessing of a sunset
The colors are a choir, singing I am not done yet
What's a spectrum without a prism if there's no light given
Expectations can be a prison i heard the keynotes when i listened
At the end of the day the only thing i need to remember
Is to let go and learn the art of surrender
[Dad]
If I just relax and took a breath and let go
It would come to me
The release at the end of your prayer
Otherwise you're just holding onto it
You got to open your hand and let it go
For it to come back
Release it to God
Because if God gave you everything you asked for, you'd be so screwed
The mountains bowed the wind was singing a sermon
Worrying is praying for what you don't want I finally heard him
If you want to make god laugh then tell her your plans
I let reason lose the battle and signed a truce with chance
Detachment I wont fear it I am the joy of the spirit
I hear a harp playing in the willows the rain is the lyrics
I surrender, I'm the mandala falling towards the river
I'm impermanent sand back to the earth I'll be delivered
To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders
Tripping over joy I'm yelling i finally remember
Surrender and sing the song that's inside of you
Surrender to the water and you'll float where you're invited too
I surrender, I'm no longer a puppet for my ego
I don't know what happens when I die but I hope I go where he go
I thought I knew strength but I had it all wrong
It's not about holding on, It's letting go that makes you strong
[Dad]
I flail at the darkness
And can't find my way
I try my hardest to get through the day
Feeling abandoned with no one around
Tired and spent, I stare at the ground
I surrender to guidance
Coming from above
I look up in wonder
And see the light of God's love
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Depressed Joy is about duality, paradox, and surrendering to flow with tao. This album was formed through fasting, discipline, Bruce Lee movies, Hibiki, sushi side quests with AwareNess, and late night basketball under a north denver moon.
